October 29, 1977 host: Charles Grodin
Season 3: Episode 4
- Samurai Futaba…..John Belushi
- Female Customer…..Gilda Radner
- Male Customer…..Charles Grodin
[ open on interior, dry cleaners, Futaba standing behind open press ] Announcer: And now, another episode of…
[ Futaba slams the press down and yells as steam pours out ] Announcer: “Samurai Dry Cleaner”.
[ Futaba holds up the pressed obi and admires his work, as a couple enters ] Female Customer: Uh — excuse me, uh — we’re here to pick up our shirts? You said you’d have them ready by today.
Futaba: [ grunts ]
Female Customer: Oh, uh, yes — Dear, do you have the ticket?
Male Customer: Uh — yes. [ he reaches into his pocket ] Here.
Female Customer: There yo go.
Futaba: Ah!
[ Futaba glances at the ticket, then begins to thrust his samurai sword at a rackful of clothes hanging ] Charles Grodin: [ breaking character, impressed ] Look how he handles the sword.
Gilda Radner: Yeah. Shhhhh.
[ Futaba grunts as he crooks the shirt on the sword and carries it to the counter ] Female Customer: Oh, that’s wonderful! You did a great job! [ she looks over the shirt ] Oh, wait a minute, look at that spot.
Futaba: [ grunts ]
Right there! Look at that! I mean, you said you could get that out!
Futaba: [ grunts ]
Female Customer: I mean, you PROMISED! I was COUNTING on it!
[ Futaba screams and holds his hari-kari in front of his chest ] Female Customer: NO, NO, NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE!!
[ Futaba holds his pose and looks up at her with a worried expression on his face ] Female Customer: It’s not that important!
[ Futaba pulls the sword away and wipes his brow in relief ] Futaba: [ grunts a question ]
Female Customer: Oh, yeah, that’s a great idea! We’d love it in a box!
Charles Grodin: [ leaning in ] How do you understand what he’s saying?
Gilda Radner: Shhhh!
[ Futaba chuckles, then grabs the shirt and a disassembled box, throws them into the air and thrusts his sword at them with a yell. He then reaches behind the counter to pick up a giftwrapped box with the shirt inside. ] Charles Grodin: [ studying the scene ] That was pre-arranged, wasn’t it?
Gilda Radner: Shhhhh!
Futaba: Hmm?
Charles Grodin: No, I mean, it had to be. You had to have it propped down there, because… it’s a GREAT gag, but it had to be placed down there and brought up to you, right?
[ Grodin retreats as Radner and Belushi give him dirty looks before proceeding with the scene ] Female Customer: Um — listen — I’d like to know, how much do you charge for bedspreads?
Charles Grodin: Uhhhh… [ he attempts to read Belushi’s line on the cue cards ]
Gilda Radner: Chuuuuuck! Chuck! Those are John’s lines!
Charles Grodin: Oh. [ reading ] “John”. Oh, I’m sorry. You know, John, it’s such an INCREDIBLE character that… I’m sorry! You’re very, very good at this character! It’s just that… it’s terrific make-up, it’s very authentic. Excuse me. I’m sorry. Go ahead.
Gilda Radner: [ to Belushi, as her character ] Thank you. Thank you very much. [ she turns to Grodin ] Come on. Let’s go, Chuck.
Futaba: [ grunts ]
Charles Grodin: It’s a funny idea, John. It’s an excellent scene.
Gilda Radner: Come on, let’s go…
[ Radner shuffles Grodin out the door, as a disgusted Futaba raises his sword and slices the counter in two ] Announcer: Tune in next week for another episode of… “Samurai Dry Cleaner”!
[ the camera shakily pans upward into the audience and zooms in on a woman with SUPER: “Prime Time Audience Reject” ] [ fade ]