101 Ways to Tell You’re Japanese American: Difference between revisions

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#. Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.
#. Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.
#. One of your relatives was a “picture bride.”
#. One of your relatives was a “picture bride.”
6. You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary.
#. You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary.
7. You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig.
#. You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig.
8. You’re Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji.
#. You’re Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji.
9. You’re thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren, Garrett or Brett with a Japanese middle name.
#. You’re thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren, Garrett or Brett with a Japanese middle name.
10. All of your cousins are having hapa kids.
#. All of your cousins are having hapa kids.
11. You have relatives who live in Hawaii.
#. You have relatives who live in Hawaii.
12. You belong to a Japanese credit union.
#. You belong to a Japanese credit union.
13. Your parents or grandparents bought their first house through a tanomoshi.
#. Your parents or grandparents bought their first house through a tanomoshi.
14. The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls.
#. The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls.
15. You have a kaki tree in the backyard.
#. You have a kaki tree in the backyard.
16. You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times.
#. You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times.
17. You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your living room.
#. You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your living room.
18. You have a Neko cat in your house for good luck.
#. You have a Neko cat in your house for good luck.
19. You have large Japanese platters in your china cabinet.
#. You have large Japanese platters in your china cabinet.
20. You have the family mon and Japanese needlepoint on the wall.
#. You have the family mon and Japanese needlepoint on the wall.
21. You own a multi-colored lime green polyester patchwork quilt.
#. You own a multi-colored lime green polyester patchwork quilt.
22. Your grandma used to crochet all your blankets, potholders and dishtowels.
#. Your grandma used to crochet all your blankets, potholders and dishtowels.
23. You check to see if you need to take off your shoes at your JA friends’ houses.
#. You check to see if you need to take off your shoes at your JA friends’ houses.
24. When you visit other JAs, you know that you should bring omiage.
#. When you visit other JAs, you know that you should bring omiage.
25. When you visit another JAs, you give or receive a bag of fruits or vegetables.
#. When you visit another JAs, you give or receive a bag of fruits or vegetables.
26. When you leave a JA house, you take leftover food home on a paper plate or a styrofoam meat tray.
#. When you leave a JA house, you take leftover food home on a paper plate or a styrofoam meat tray.
27. You keep a supply of rubber bands, twist ties, butter and tofu containers in the kitchen.
#. You keep a supply of rubber bands, twist ties, butter and tofu containers in the kitchen.
28. You have an air pump thermos covered with lilacs.
#. You have an air pump thermos covered with lilacs.
29. You’ve heard Warren Furutani speak at least once, somewhere.
#. You’ve heard Warren Furutani speak at least once, somewhere.
30. You’ve been to the Manzanar Pilgrimage and danced the “Tanko Bushi.”
#. You’ve been to the Manzanar Pilgrimage and danced the “Tanko Bushi.”
31. Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival in your old neighborhood.
#. Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival in your old neighborhood.
32. You know that Pat Morita doesn’t really speak like Mr. Miyagi.
#. You know that Pat Morita doesn’t really speak like Mr. Miyagi.
33. You’re mad because Kristi Yamaguchi should have gotten more commercial endorsements than Nancy Kerrigan.
#. You’re mad because Kristi Yamaguchi should have gotten more commercial endorsements than Nancy Kerrigan.
34. You know someone who has run for the Nisei Week Queen Pageant.
#. You know someone who has run for the Nisei Week Queen Pageant.
35. The Japanese American National Museum has asked you for money.
#. The Japanese American National Museum has asked you for money.
36. If you’re under 20, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the Sports Page.
#. If you’re under 20, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the Sports Page.
37. If you’re over 60, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the obituary column.
#. If you’re over 60, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the obituary column.
38. When your back is sore, you use Salonpas, Tiger Balm or that flexi-stick with the rubber ball on the end that goes, katonk, katonk.
#. When your back is sore, you use Salonpas, Tiger Balm or that flexi-stick with the rubber ball on the end that goes, katonk, katonk.
39. You’ve played basketball in the Tigers Tournament.
#. You’ve played basketball in the Tigers Tournament.
40. You loved to shop at Fedco.
#. You loved to shop at Fedco.
41. You’ve bowled at the Holiday Bowl, or at least eaten there.
#. You’ve bowled at the Holiday Bowl, or at least eaten there.
42. You’ve been to the Far East Cafe at least once.
#. You’ve been to the Far East Cafe at least once.
43. You’ve eaten at Mago’s or Kenny’s Cafe on Centinela.
#. You’ve eaten at Mago’s or Kenny’s Cafe on Centinela.
44. After funerals, you go for China meshi.
#. After funerals, you go for China meshi.
45. After giving koden, you get stamps in the mail.
#. After giving koden, you get stamps in the mail.
46. You fight fiercely for the check after dinner.
#. You fight fiercely for the check after dinner.
47. You’ve hidden money in the pocket of the person who paid for dinner.
#. You’ve hidden money in the pocket of the person who paid for dinner.
48. You don’t need to read the instructions on the proper use of hashi.
#. You don’t need to read the instructions on the proper use of hashi.
49. You know that Benihana and Yoshinoya Beef Bowl aren’t really Japanese food.
#. You know that Benihana and Yoshinoya Beef Bowl aren’t really Japanese food.
50. You eat soba on New Year’s Eve.
#. You eat soba on New Year’s Eve.
51. You start off the new year with a bowl of ozoni soup for good luck and the mochi sticks to the roof of your mouth.
#. You start off the new year with a bowl of ozoni soup for good luck and the mochi sticks to the roof of your mouth.
52. You know not to eat the tangerine on top of the mochi at New Year’s.
#. You know not to eat the tangerine on top of the mochi at New Year’s.
53. You have a 12-pack of mochi in your freezer — that you still refuse to throw away in July.
#. You have a 12-pack of mochi in your freezer — that you still refuse to throw away in July.
54. You pack bento for road trips.
#. You pack bento for road trips.
55. You know that the last weekend in April is Opening Day at Crowley Lake.
#. You know that the last weekend in April is Opening Day at Crowley Lake.
56. You stop at Manzanar on the way to and from Mammoth.
#. You stop at Manzanar on the way to and from Mammoth.
57. You see your relatives at the California Club in Las Vegas more often than you see them in L.A.
#. You see your relatives at the California Club in Las Vegas more often than you see them in L.A.
58. Your grandma made the best sushi in town.
#. Your grandma made the best sushi in town.
59. You cut all your carrots and hot dogs at an angle.
#. You cut all your carrots and hot dogs at an angle.
60. You know the virtues of Spam.
#. You know the virtues of Spam.
61. You were eating Chinese chicken salad, years before everyone else.
#. You were eating Chinese chicken salad, years before everyone else.
62. You know what it means to eat “footballs.”
#. You know what it means to eat “footballs.”
63. You grew up eating ambrosia, wontons and finger Jello at family potlucks.
#. You grew up eating ambrosia, wontons and finger Jello at family potlucks.
64. You always use Best Foods mayonnaise and like to mix it with shoyu to dip broccoli.
#. You always use Best Foods mayonnaise and like to mix it with shoyu to dip broccoli.
65. You use the “finger method” to measure the water for your rice cooker.
#. You use the “finger method” to measure the water for your rice cooker.
66. You grew up on rice: bacon fried rice, chili rice, curry rice or red(osekihan).
#. You grew up on rice: bacon fried rice, chili rice, curry rice or red(osekihan).
67. You like to eat rice with your spaghetti.
#. You like to eat rice with your spaghetti.
68. You like to eat rice in a chawan, not on a plate.
#. You like to eat rice in a chawan, not on a plate.
69. You can’t start eating until you have a bowl of rice.
#. You can’t start eating until you have a bowl of rice.
70. You use plastic Cool Whip containers to hold day-old rice.
#. You use plastic Cool Whip containers to hold day-old rice.
71. Along with salt and pepper, you have a shoyu dispenser at your table.
#. Along with salt and pepper, you have a shoyu dispenser at your table.
72. You have a jar of takuan in your fridge.
#. You have a jar of takuan in your fridge.
73. You buy rice 20 pounds at a time and shoyu a gallon at a time.
#. You buy rice 20 pounds at a time and shoyu a gallon at a time.
74. Natto: you either love it or you hate it.
#. Natto: you either love it or you hate it.
75. As a kid you used to eat Botan rice candy.
#. As a kid you used to eat Botan rice candy.
76. You know the story of Momotaro — The Peach Boy.
#. You know the story of Momotaro — The Peach Boy.
77. You have had a pet named Chibi or Shiro.
#. You have had a pet named Chibi or Shiro.
78. Someone you know owns an Akita or Shiba dog.
#. Someone you know owns an Akita or Shiba dog.
79. You went to J-school and your best subject was recess.
#. You went to J-school and your best subject was recess.
80. At school, you had those Hello Kitty pencil boxes and sweet smelling erasers.
#. At school, you had those Hello Kitty pencil boxes and sweet smelling erasers.
81. When you’re sick, you eat okayu.
#. When you’re sick, you eat okayu.
82. Milk makes you queasy and alcohol turns your face red.
#. Milk makes you queasy and alcohol turns your face red.
83. Your dad owned a Members Only jacket.
#. Your dad owned a Members Only jacket.
84. Someone you know drives an Acura Integra, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry.
#. Someone you know drives an Acura Integra, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry.
85. You used to own one of those miniature zori keychains.
#. You used to own one of those miniature zori keychains.
86. You have a kaeru frog for good luck charm hanging in your car.
#. You have a kaeru frog for good luck charm hanging in your car.
87. Your parents compare you to their friends’ kids.
#. Your parents compare you to their friends’ kids.
88. You hang on the illusion that you are superior to other Asians.
#. You hang on the illusion that you are superior to other Asians.
89. Your dentist, doctor and optometrist are Japanese American.
#. Your dentist, doctor and optometrist are Japanese American.
90. You know what “S.J.” stands for.
#. You know what “S.J.” stands for.
91. You socialize with groups of eight or more people.
#. You socialize with groups of eight or more people.
92. Whenever you’re with more than three people, it takes an hour to decide where to eat.
#. Whenever you’re with more than three people, it takes an hour to decide where to eat.
93. You and your friends call yourselves “Buddhaheads,” but don’t like it when white people do.
#. You and your friends call yourselves “Buddhaheads,” but don’t like it when white people do.
94. You’ve heard your name pronounced a half-dozen different ways.
#. You’ve heard your name pronounced a half-dozen different ways.
95. You use the derogatory term Kuichi and Kurombo when you should be using Jewish and African American or black.
#. You use the derogatory term Kuichi and Kurombo when you should be using Jewish and African American or black.
96. You know what the acronyms M.I.S., 100th/442nd, J.A.C.L., C.Y.C., N.A.U., S.E.Y.O. and S.C.N.G.A. stand for.
#. You know what the acronyms M.I.S., 100th/442nd, J.A.C.L., C.Y.C., N.A.U., S.E.Y.O. and S.C.N.G.A. stand for.
97. The name Lillian Baker makes your fists clench.
#. The name Lillian Baker makes your fists clench.
98. You know that E.O. 9066 isn’t a zip code.
#. You know that E.O. 9066 isn’t a zip code.
99. You’re not superstitious, buy you do believe in bachi.
#. You’re not superstitious, buy you do believe in bachi.
100. You never take the last piece of food on a plate–but will cut it into smaller pieces.
#. You never take the last piece of food on a plate–but will cut it into smaller pieces.
101. As much as you want it, never ever take the last anything. Enryo, enryo, enryo.
#. As much as you want it, never ever take the last anything. Enryo, enryo, enryo.


(copyright 1997 by Jenni Kuida and Tony Osumi)
(copyright 1997 by Jenni Kuida and Tony Osumi)

Revision as of 22:34, 9 January 2023

101 WAYS TO TELL YOU’RE JAPANESE AMERICAN By Tony Osumi and Jenni Kuida

  1. . You know that Camp doesn’t mean a cabin in the woods.
  2. . The men in your family were gardeners, farmers or produce workers.
  3. . The women in your family were seamstresses, domestic workers or farm laborers.
  4. . Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.
  5. . One of your relatives was a “picture bride.”
  6. . You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary.
  7. . You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig.
  8. . You’re Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji.
  9. . You’re thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren, Garrett or Brett with a Japanese middle name.
  10. . All of your cousins are having hapa kids.
  11. . You have relatives who live in Hawaii.
  12. . You belong to a Japanese credit union.
  13. . Your parents or grandparents bought their first house through a tanomoshi.
  14. . The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls.
  15. . You have a kaki tree in the backyard.
  16. . You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times.
  17. . You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your living room.
  18. . You have a Neko cat in your house for good luck.
  19. . You have large Japanese platters in your china cabinet.
  20. . You have the family mon and Japanese needlepoint on the wall.
  21. . You own a multi-colored lime green polyester patchwork quilt.
  22. . Your grandma used to crochet all your blankets, potholders and dishtowels.
  23. . You check to see if you need to take off your shoes at your JA friends’ houses.
  24. . When you visit other JAs, you know that you should bring omiage.
  25. . When you visit another JAs, you give or receive a bag of fruits or vegetables.
  26. . When you leave a JA house, you take leftover food home on a paper plate or a styrofoam meat tray.
  27. . You keep a supply of rubber bands, twist ties, butter and tofu containers in the kitchen.
  28. . You have an air pump thermos covered with lilacs.
  29. . You’ve heard Warren Furutani speak at least once, somewhere.
  30. . You’ve been to the Manzanar Pilgrimage and danced the “Tanko Bushi.”
  31. . Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival in your old neighborhood.
  32. . You know that Pat Morita doesn’t really speak like Mr. Miyagi.
  33. . You’re mad because Kristi Yamaguchi should have gotten more commercial endorsements than Nancy Kerrigan.
  34. . You know someone who has run for the Nisei Week Queen Pageant.
  35. . The Japanese American National Museum has asked you for money.
  36. . If you’re under 20, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the Sports Page.
  37. . If you’re over 60, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the obituary column.
  38. . When your back is sore, you use Salonpas, Tiger Balm or that flexi-stick with the rubber ball on the end that goes, katonk, katonk.
  39. . You’ve played basketball in the Tigers Tournament.
  40. . You loved to shop at Fedco.
  41. . You’ve bowled at the Holiday Bowl, or at least eaten there.
  42. . You’ve been to the Far East Cafe at least once.
  43. . You’ve eaten at Mago’s or Kenny’s Cafe on Centinela.
  44. . After funerals, you go for China meshi.
  45. . After giving koden, you get stamps in the mail.
  46. . You fight fiercely for the check after dinner.
  47. . You’ve hidden money in the pocket of the person who paid for dinner.
  48. . You don’t need to read the instructions on the proper use of hashi.
  49. . You know that Benihana and Yoshinoya Beef Bowl aren’t really Japanese food.
  50. . You eat soba on New Year’s Eve.
  51. . You start off the new year with a bowl of ozoni soup for good luck and the mochi sticks to the roof of your mouth.
  52. . You know not to eat the tangerine on top of the mochi at New Year’s.
  53. . You have a 12-pack of mochi in your freezer — that you still refuse to throw away in July.
  54. . You pack bento for road trips.
  55. . You know that the last weekend in April is Opening Day at Crowley Lake.
  56. . You stop at Manzanar on the way to and from Mammoth.
  57. . You see your relatives at the California Club in Las Vegas more often than you see them in L.A.
  58. . Your grandma made the best sushi in town.
  59. . You cut all your carrots and hot dogs at an angle.
  60. . You know the virtues of Spam.
  61. . You were eating Chinese chicken salad, years before everyone else.
  62. . You know what it means to eat “footballs.”
  63. . You grew up eating ambrosia, wontons and finger Jello at family potlucks.
  64. . You always use Best Foods mayonnaise and like to mix it with shoyu to dip broccoli.
  65. . You use the “finger method” to measure the water for your rice cooker.
  66. . You grew up on rice: bacon fried rice, chili rice, curry rice or red(osekihan).
  67. . You like to eat rice with your spaghetti.
  68. . You like to eat rice in a chawan, not on a plate.
  69. . You can’t start eating until you have a bowl of rice.
  70. . You use plastic Cool Whip containers to hold day-old rice.
  71. . Along with salt and pepper, you have a shoyu dispenser at your table.
  72. . You have a jar of takuan in your fridge.
  73. . You buy rice 20 pounds at a time and shoyu a gallon at a time.
  74. . Natto: you either love it or you hate it.
  75. . As a kid you used to eat Botan rice candy.
  76. . You know the story of Momotaro — The Peach Boy.
  77. . You have had a pet named Chibi or Shiro.
  78. . Someone you know owns an Akita or Shiba dog.
  79. . You went to J-school and your best subject was recess.
  80. . At school, you had those Hello Kitty pencil boxes and sweet smelling erasers.
  81. . When you’re sick, you eat okayu.
  82. . Milk makes you queasy and alcohol turns your face red.
  83. . Your dad owned a Members Only jacket.
  84. . Someone you know drives an Acura Integra, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry.
  85. . You used to own one of those miniature zori keychains.
  86. . You have a kaeru frog for good luck charm hanging in your car.
  87. . Your parents compare you to their friends’ kids.
  88. . You hang on the illusion that you are superior to other Asians.
  89. . Your dentist, doctor and optometrist are Japanese American.
  90. . You know what “S.J.” stands for.
  91. . You socialize with groups of eight or more people.
  92. . Whenever you’re with more than three people, it takes an hour to decide where to eat.
  93. . You and your friends call yourselves “Buddhaheads,” but don’t like it when white people do.
  94. . You’ve heard your name pronounced a half-dozen different ways.
  95. . You use the derogatory term Kuichi and Kurombo when you should be using Jewish and African American or black.
  96. . You know what the acronyms M.I.S., 100th/442nd, J.A.C.L., C.Y.C., N.A.U., S.E.Y.O. and S.C.N.G.A. stand for.
  97. . The name Lillian Baker makes your fists clench.
  98. . You know that E.O. 9066 isn’t a zip code.
  99. . You’re not superstitious, buy you do believe in bachi.
  100. . You never take the last piece of food on a plate–but will cut it into smaller pieces.
  101. . As much as you want it, never ever take the last anything. Enryo, enryo, enryo.

(copyright 1997 by Jenni Kuida and Tony Osumi)

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