101 Ways to Tell You’re Japanese American

101 WAYS TO TELL YOU’RE JAPANESE AMERICAN By Tony Osumi and Jenni Kuida

. You know that Camp doesn’t mean a cabin in the woods.
. The men in your family were gardeners, farmers or produce workers.
. The women in your family were seamstresses, domestic workers or farm laborers.
. Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.
. One of your relatives was a “picture bride.”
. You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary.
. You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig.
. You’re Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji.
. You’re thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren, Garrett or Brett with a Japanese middle name.
. All of your cousins are having hapa kids.
. You have relatives who live in Hawaii.
. You belong to a Japanese credit union.
. Your parents or grandparents bought their first house through a tanomoshi.
. The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls.
. You have a kaki tree in the backyard.
. You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times.
. You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your living room.
. You have a Neko cat in your house for good luck.
. You have large Japanese platters in your china cabinet.
. You have the family mon and Japanese needlepoint on the wall.
. You own a multi-colored lime green polyester patchwork quilt.
. Your grandma used to crochet all your blankets, potholders and dishtowels.
. You check to see if you need to take off your shoes at your JA friends’ houses.
. When you visit other JAs, you know that you should bring omiage.
. When you visit another JAs, you give or receive a bag of fruits or vegetables.
. When you leave a JA house, you take leftover food home on a paper plate or a styrofoam meat tray.
. You keep a supply of rubber bands, twist ties, butter and tofu containers in the kitchen.
. You have an air pump thermos covered with lilacs.
. You’ve heard Warren Furutani speak at least once, somewhere.
. You’ve been to the Manzanar Pilgrimage and danced the “Tanko Bushi.”
. Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival in your old neighborhood.
. You know that Pat Morita doesn’t really speak like Mr. Miyagi.
. You’re mad because Kristi Yamaguchi should have gotten more commercial endorsements than Nancy Kerrigan.
. You know someone who has run for the Nisei Week Queen Pageant.
. The Japanese American National Museum has asked you for money.
. If you’re under 20, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the Sports Page.
. If you’re over 60, the first thing you read in The Rafu Shimpo is the obituary column.
. When your back is sore, you use Salonpas, Tiger Balm or that flexi-stick with the rubber ball on the end that goes, katonk, katonk.
. You’ve played basketball in the Tigers Tournament.
. You loved to shop at Fedco.
. You’ve bowled at the Holiday Bowl, or at least eaten there.
. You’ve been to the Far East Cafe at least once.
. You’ve eaten at Mago’s or Kenny’s Cafe on Centinela.
. After funerals, you go for China meshi.
. After giving koden, you get stamps in the mail.
. You fight fiercely for the check after dinner.
. You’ve hidden money in the pocket of the person who paid for dinner.
. You don’t need to read the instructions on the proper use of hashi.
. You know that Benihana and Yoshinoya Beef Bowl aren’t really Japanese food.
. You eat soba on New Year’s Eve.
. You start off the new year with a bowl of ozoni soup for good luck and the mochi sticks to the roof of your mouth.
. You know not to eat the tangerine on top of the mochi at New Year’s.
. You have a 12-pack of mochi in your freezer — that you still refuse to throw away in July.
. You pack bento for road trips.
. You know that the last weekend in April is Opening Day at Crowley Lake.
. You stop at Manzanar on the way to and from Mammoth.
. You see your relatives at the California Club in Las Vegas more often than you see them in L.A.
. Your grandma made the best sushi in town.
. You cut all your carrots and hot dogs at an angle.
. You know the virtues of Spam.
. You were eating Chinese chicken salad, years before everyone else.
. You know what it means to eat “footballs.”
. You grew up eating ambrosia, wontons and finger Jello at family potlucks.
. You always use Best Foods mayonnaise and like to mix it with shoyu to dip broccoli.
. You use the “finger method” to measure the water for your rice cooker.
. You grew up on rice: bacon fried rice, chili rice, curry rice or red(osekihan).
. You like to eat rice with your spaghetti.
. You like to eat rice in a chawan, not on a plate.
. You can’t start eating until you have a bowl of rice.
. You use plastic Cool Whip containers to hold day-old rice.
. Along with salt and pepper, you have a shoyu dispenser at your table.
. You have a jar of takuan in your fridge.
. You buy rice 20 pounds at a time and shoyu a gallon at a time.
. Natto: you either love it or you hate it.
. As a kid you used to eat Botan rice candy.
. You know the story of Momotaro — The Peach Boy.
. You have had a pet named Chibi or Shiro.
. Someone you know owns an Akita or Shiba dog.
. You went to J-school and your best subject was recess.
. At school, you had those Hello Kitty pencil boxes and sweet smelling erasers.
. When you’re sick, you eat okayu.
. Milk makes you queasy and alcohol turns your face red.
. Your dad owned a Members Only jacket.
. Someone you know drives an Acura Integra, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry.
. You used to own one of those miniature zori keychains.
. You have a kaeru frog for good luck charm hanging in your car.
. Your parents compare you to their friends’ kids.
. You hang on the illusion that you are superior to other Asians.
. Your dentist, doctor and optometrist are Japanese American.
. You know what “S.J.” stands for.
. You socialize with groups of eight or more people.
. Whenever you’re with more than three people, it takes an hour to decide where to eat.
. You and your friends call yourselves “Buddhaheads,” but don’t like it when white people do.
. You’ve heard your name pronounced a half-dozen different ways.
. You use the derogatory term Kuichi and Kurombo when you should be using Jewish and African American or black.
. You know what the acronyms M.I.S., 100th/442nd, J.A.C.L., C.Y.C., N.A.U., S.E.Y.O. and S.C.N.G.A. stand for.
. The name Lillian Baker makes your fists clench.
. You know that E.O. 9066 isn’t a zip code.
. You’re not superstitious, buy you do believe in bachi.
. You never take the last piece of food on a plate–but will cut it into smaller pieces.
. As much as you want it, never ever take the last anything. Enryo, enryo, enryo.

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Links

The Rafu Shimpo article on the 20th anniversary of the original (December 29, 2016) 101 Ways to Define a Community